Somebody to Love
A few years ago, I sat down with a new client to discuss her finances, and at the end of the meeting, she lamented on the fact that she didn’t think she would every find somebody to love her because of all of the debt that she had. Between undergrad, law school and consumer debt, her total debt figure was a little over $200,000. Immediately upon hearing this, I just thought she was being overly dramatic about her situation.
Since this meeting, though, I have asked some single male clients what they would think about a young attractive, intelligent, successful woman with $200,000 of debt, and all of them said that they would have no interest in this person. One of them had his own debt to contend with and another said that he graduated student loan debt free and had no interest in acquiring it after the fact.
The Worst STD
I have realized that there is a new STD, Sexually Transmitted Debt, and it is scarier than just about any other because a simple antibiotic or vaccine won’t help you contain it. Instead, it requires hard work and dedication to squashing and apparently this is something that a number of people do not want to contend with.
On Friday, I will share with you my latest podcast for Martinis and Your Money and the title is Dating and In Debt. In this podcast, I chat with my friend Kassandra from More Than Just Money. I wanted her to share her story in light of my client’s perception of dating while in debt or dating someone who is in debt. For those of you who don’t know, Kassandra started dating her now husband after she had accumulated over $50,000 in consumer debt.
There Is A Cure
Kassandra’s story is a story of hope for those who think that their debt will prohibit them from finding love; however, I think it’s important for anyone to remember this:
Your financial situation only tells a story, it does not define you.
I think that people focus too much on their debt or poor financial health as a reason for someone to not love them, rather than focusing on the fact that it will actually lead them to the perfect person for them.
You see, relationships are hard, even in a perfect world; and the person you want to spend the rest of your life with has to be someone who is not only not afraid of adversity, but also someone who is willing to stand by you while you fight your way through yours.
Yes, having thousands of dollars of debt does not feel good and you may believe that it makes you not look good to someone either, but if someone can’t see past your debt to the beautiful soul underneath, then they are not someone you would want to spend time with.
Your Somebody to Love
Your debt and financial circumstance may require you to take a more circuitous path to find your somebody to love, but I guarantee you that the person at the end of the journey is going to be worth it. He or she will see past your insecurities and struggles and will help you through it. They will not be afraid of a challenge and their compassion for love will be a reward worth the painful journey.
Like most women, I had a number of insecurities when I was dating. I had a family that could not easily be explained, I always felt like an ugly duckling who was not comfortable in my own skin, and I was told by past boyfriends that I was not good enough for various reasons. After all of these experiences, I met my husband, and for the first time in my life, I met someone who made me feel at peace with myself. He was not bothered by my past as others were. He saw through my insecurities and loved me in spite of them. He was worth the wait.
So if you are feeling as though you won’t find your somebody to love because of your finances, don’t fear. That person is out there and you will know them when you meet them because they will be the one who stays instead of runs when you share your finances. They will be the one who makes you feel at peace despite the financial dark spots. They will stand by you through your journey and support you along the way. They will be your somebody to love, and I guarantee you they will be worth the wait.
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